How can you determine if a man is serious about you? Or if is he interested in a booty call?
There is a saying, “when people show you who they are. Believe them.” Typically men and women will show you who they are from the beginning.
In the dating game. It’s the survival of the fittest. Suppose you aren’t prepared and have your battle gear in place. You can get damaged very easily. You are becoming a casualty in the game of love and war.
So, in this dating chess game. How can you determine your king from a Pauper?. Here is one of many lists of what to look for.
- Arrogant vs. confidence Is he confident or arrogant when approaching you? Does he have a healthy fear?
Confident Men show reverence, honor, and respect by being hesitant and reserved when approaching you. Sure Men will demonstrate Caution because he cares about making a great first impression.
On the other hand, arrogant men will demonstrate false confidence because of their insecurity and lack of self-assurance of the value they bring to a woman’s life. Remember, arrogance is a way men hide behind their insecurities.
Not all females are women. Some are little girls in womanly bodies: some value looks, money, title, and status over character, integrity, and values.
Without knowing the mindset of a female. Whether she is a woman or a little girl … many good men who lack confidence in their value will be afraid of rejection and being disregarded.
Some have been rejected so often that they have lost faith in believing a good woman will see the value he brings to the table.
Men are equally mistreated and rejected, just like women. I would say probably more because women outnumber men. Most women are very selective.
Many average women do not recognize a man’s worth for every good woman because society teaches women to look for a man with a more extensive bank account, better job, and higher status.
Don’t get me wrong. Women want to feel secure and protected. Desiring these things by nature is not bad. God created a man to lead and protect. But to what degree do we value money and status over character, integrity, his ability to lead and handle the responsibility?
In comparison, a very arrogant man is comfortable talking to women. Typically, they feel they are in control and can easily manipulate you to do anything they want you to do. Or can get from you.
Many women confuse arrogance With confidence. Arrogant men intend to lust and use you.
To play the game of love and war, you must determine his intent. Sad but true. With this type of man. It would help if you played hard to get. Don’t just play hard to get. Be hard to get to weed him out.
If his intentions are evil, his ego won’t allow him to stay around too long if you play the game right. he will quickly regress and move on to the next woman he feels is weak-minded. Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.
Arrogant men don’t believe you are intelligent. They don’t value your morals and integrity. They think you can’t affect them emotionally. They are emotionally unavailable.
Suppose you confuse arrogance with confidence. You will be determined a castaway. He will hit it and quit it… leaving you spiritually and emotionally wasted.
- Intentional vs. Ambiguous. How does he communicate? Is it deliberate or ambiguous?
Does he speak in uncertainties? Is he ambiguous about his Intentions, desires, and purpose? Or do you have to guess what he is trying to say?
Typically a man who is slick with words is a manipulator. A deceiver and has probably studied the narcissistic manual—48 laws of power. Being ambiguous and vaguely indiscreet is a power move to keep you guessing and interested. Take from you and ration out to your a little hope here and there. They are confident with getting the booty.
In their mind they They are smooth and display confidence. And most unaware women easily fall into this trap.
However, if he is a man of value, he will display intent, purpose, and direction from day one! There will be absolutely no guessing games with him. Furthermore, even if he is nervous about approaching you. He will look to be open with you as you give him back the same energy he gives to you.
- Respect vs. Test. Does he respect your boundaries or test them? Manipulators will push your boundaries by seeing if you will tolerate micro-movements of intimacy. They will invade your personal space and know how you react to their advances. It’s a power move for them. Let me explain. A man who gets physically close to you and you don’t move or say anything. It signals to him that you are open to him sexually.
If he casually touches your thigh and you don’t move his hand. Or he gets in kissing distance and you don’t pull away. It signals to him that you are attracted and comfortable enough to move forward with physical interactions.
Now, this isn’t the case with all women. Some, when due to trauma, haven’t learned to set boundaries. Therefore, they freeze up in these scenarios and feel powerless and intimidated. Usually, women who have been sexually abused, heavily manipulated will fall victim to these types of predictors because they haven’t learned that they have the power to choose in these situations. They are still operating out of pre-programmed negative subconscious patterns established from trauma.
Please note men that test you to determine their access to you physically. It’s their way of deciding if you are into them.
However, a man of integrity and value will move differently. He is a communicator. Okay. Let me repeat that! He is a communicator! He doesn’t make assumptions. He doesn’t need to test you! Rather! He will respect
Godly boundaries have been set for you as a woman! By doing so, he will ask to be in your personal space. He will ask for permission to kiss you, touch you, get close to you. This lady is the ultimate sign of honor and respect. No assumptions were made, and no testing or games were needed.
But this type of man is difficult to find. Because most men don’t communicate or learn to do it well. Or they display differently and haven’t invested time to learn how to converse with women.
So most of us rely on non-verbal communication and energy. Therefore you must learn the unseen non-verbal communications to understand how to move.
In conclusion, set physical boundaries. The physical distance equals respectable boundaries.
- Words matter! Edification vs. exploitation how does he compliment you? Word choice matters.
Does he compliment you on your intellect, talent, composure, energy, demeanor, attitude, or the way you carry yourself?
Or does he refer to you as sexy, hot, a snack, or describe you as his favorite new car? I think this one is obvious, sis. But it isn’t that clear for some of us. You must know when a man is objectifying you. If he refers to your body parts like a wolf craving some chicken legs…. Then, sis, he doesn’t see you as a person. He sees you as some booty, tits, and lips. That’s it.
Of course, when he first meets you, he will point out the obvious that you are beautiful, attractive, and gorgeous because they are visual creatures.
The depth of his conversation will reveal his intentions. This would seem to be a no-brainer but, I must mention it. Men with no value only want to conquer you.
- Communication vs. Emotionally unavailable. Is he able to have deep intellectual conversations that last longer than 2mins? Or is his conversations just wrapped up in sports, self-centeredness about his career and what he has and his status and whom he knows?
A man who is genuinely interested in you wants to know about who you are? Your belief systems, your thoughts. What motivates you, what you like to do, what brings you happiness and joy. They will have long, deep conversations with you about life, goals, and expectations. He will want to know your political and religious views. How do your feel about parenting? He will ask about what ended your previous relationships and what you want to do for a living? How is your relationship with your family? What kind of guy are you looking for? What are your physical preferences? Do you want kids? What is your relationship with your parent?
Suppose a man isn’t curious about what’s in his head and heart. He is looking at you as a booty call.
Any man can take you out to dinner and pay to get your hair and nails done. But a man of Value will friendship and companionship.
Again, people show you who they are! You have to be more aware to see them. If a man isn’t asking you tons of questions about who you are and what you care about.
Or willing to have in-depth conversations before a date. Then it will not change. You all got to stop being hopeful. What you see is what you get.
A player typically is about humping, dumping, and having fun with no strings attached. He has no vision or plan of how to move forward.
Suppose he is unwilling to discover you mentally and spiritually. What makes you think he is willing to commit to you before being physical with you?
For my Christian ladies. A man willing to compromise with you physically clearly isn’t walking by what he says he believes. Actions must align with spoken words.
Players and manipulators use silence, ambiguity and are vaguely indiscreet to avoid you having expectations for them. By doing this, they are emotionally unavailable and can quickly dispose of you once they use you for your body.
A man of value will work to earn your respect and honor.
A man of value and substance will interview and vet you because he considers you an investment. He is looking forward to companionship. So, he will be interested in your knowledge skills and abilities. He is looking to see if you’re emotionally stable and mature. How do your interactions with other males? Are you attention-seeking? Are you a selfie queen or a woman of class and integrity?
Why? He has to see if he can trust you. Can you be charged with his vulnerability? Can he let down his guard and be open to you?